I Am Not a Strong Woman

I have a lot of people tell me what a strong woman I am.  After all, I've been through a lot and I'm still standing.  I was sexually molested repeatedly for the majority of my teenage years.  I lost my little baby Maryanna Hope Williams when I was 8 months pregnant, having to go through labor and delivery knowing she had already died inside of me.  One of my children was the victim of a horrible crime as a young teen.  I lived with a husband I loved very much but who was bi-polar and refused medication for 30 years.  During this time, my life was like being on one very long roller coaster. His disease eventually killed him when it caused him to lose all hope. I did find love again and healing from those old wounds. However,  recently, my love and best friend passed away after a long and hard fought battle with cancer. A  couple of weeks after this, I found out that my sweet 33 year old daughter has inoperable cancer of the brain stem. 

Am I a strong woman?  No.  Any strength that I have comes solely from God working and living within me.  He has been with me through every heartbreak, every fear, every battle I have fought.  He has dried every tear and wrapped his arms around me in such a way that only a Heavenly Father could. Each day He is with me, sending me little signs that he is watching out for me.  I know that wherever I go, He is always walking ahead of me.  I am never alone.  Even during the times I feel alone, He is there.  The peace He gives truly is the "peace that passes all understanding".

I often wonder how people who do not know the Lord get through the horrible trials that life tends to sling one's way.  I honestly cannot even imagine how I would cope without God.  I have weak moments where I cry and break down, but He is always there to dry those tears and pick me back up again.  And He always opens my eyes to try and make something beautiful or positive out of the muck that is thrown my way.

No....I am not strong.  God is the strong one...and He lives inside my heart.  He is available to everyone who wants to know Him.  He is a very available God.